The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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