My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
