So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
