Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
