Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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