I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
