as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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