I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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