You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
