I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
