OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
