I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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