whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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