Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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