if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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