nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yo dont text me then not text me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
