Banned from zoo.
Again?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize