Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
