i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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