Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
