I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
