Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I checked into jail on foursquare
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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