I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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