apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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