one two three fourrrrnication!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
