Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize