I am puke
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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