So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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