He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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