fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Come on in and take your pants off
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