12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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