I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
