Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
