people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
