if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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