Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
