office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
