Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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