Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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