Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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