We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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