dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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