we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
