Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
