you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
