I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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