Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
