I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize