and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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