omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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