A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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