Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
