you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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