she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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