First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize