Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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