You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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