If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
