I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
