why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
