Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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