what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
