i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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