Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
