Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
