We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
