so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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