So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And then the night went full on bisexual.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
