I could make wine with my vomit
Acid is not a monday night drug
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
