tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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