i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
