i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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