I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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