just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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