There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
