Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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