i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
