Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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