You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
