i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
