you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
