based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
