Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
