I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
sarcasm needs its own font
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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