I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize