I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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