Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
