If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
