apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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