the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
