false alarm. still invincible.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
